Ku mohon kekuatan dari kekuatanMu Wahai Pencipta.

Mungkin, saat semua sudah tersedia aku leka.

Mungkin kerna terlalu selesa dengan apa yang ada, aku lalai.

Mungkin Pencipta mahukan aku dekat denganNya.

Mungkin Dia rindukan tangis dan rintihanku padaNya.

Aku redha, aku akur Ya Allah.

Walau apa yang terjadi, aku bersyukur Kau memilihku.

Aku bersyukur dengan apa yang kau berikan.

Sekurang-kurangnya jika ini adalah salah satu jalan untuk melunaskan khilaf ku yang lalu, aku pasrah wahai Tuhan.

Aku masih ada Engkau, masih ada keluarga yang sanggup berkorban apa sahaja untuk aku. Alhamdulillah.

Ku mohon dariMu Allah, berikanlah aku kekuatan dari kekuatanMu.

Tabahkan lah aku. Yakinkan aku, Engkau sentiasa bersamaku.

Dan timpakan lah ujian yang mampu untuk aku tempuh Ya Allah.

Jauhkan lah aku dari putus asa.

Aamiin.

Dear Me.

Everything will be fine. Trust Him.

^_____^

Alhamdulillah. Sejak-sejak ni hati semakin berminat untuk membaca dan mendengar bahan2 ilmiah. Berbeza dengan aku yang sebelumnya, mencari ketenangan dengan muzik, lepas tu emo sorang2. Hihi. Tapi setelah lebih dua bulan aku cuba tahan diri, dan di saat aku mahukan ketenangan aku cuba untuk tidak mencari muzik, tapi cari ceramah dan kuliah agama. Tak susah, sebab aku Kelantanese, so langkah awal aku dengar kuliah2 UAI. Bahasa dia sangat mudah untuk difahami (mungkin korg yang bukan dari pantai timur agak susah nk faham. Tapi ape susah, Ustaz Don ade. Ustaz Kazim ade. Ustaz Bollywood pn ade. Hehe try tgk yang mane korg rase kena dgn selera korg.) Menghiburkan dan penuh dengan ilmu. Sekarang rasanya dah tak perlu paksa, bila nampak je link yg berilmiah, trus rasa nak klik. Alhamdulillah. Syukur ketenangan diberi dengan cara ini. Post ini sebenarnya sekadar untuk berkongsi lirik. Video boleh ditonton disini. Sama-sama muhasabah dan insafi diri. =)

Taubat Seorang Hamba

Hati hiba mengenangkan dosa2 yg ku lakukan,

Oh Tuhan Maha Kuasa,

Terima taubat hamba berdosa...

Ku akui kelemahan diri,

Ku insafi kekurangan ini,

Ku kesali kejahilan ini,

Terimalah 3x.....

Taubatku ini.....

Telah aku merasakan derita jiwa dan perasaan,

Kerana hilang dari jalan menuju redhaMu ya Tuhan.

Ku akui kelemahan ini,

Ku insafi kekurangan ini,

Ku kesali kejahilan ini,

Terimalah 3x...

Taubatku ini...

Di hamparan ini ku meminta moga taubatku diterima...

Ku akui kelemahan ini,

Ku insafi kekurangan ini,

Ku kesali kejahilan ini,

Terimalah 3x....

Taubatku ini...

Ku akui kelemahan ini,

Ku insafi kekurangan ini,

Ku kesali kejahilan ini,

Terimalah 3x..

Taubatku ini...

Suweeeeeet! ♥♥♥

He wait for her for more about 5 years? Or more? Wuuuuu~ and she is one of my close friend. 

We all know that she is one of the girl that is hard to fall in love. Hard to like and admiring a guy. Her heart is really expensive. With her cute face, and gentle heart not to forget soft-spoken, of course all of the good guy want her but she strongly refused them all. That guy liked her since we are all in our diploma studies. Until one day, after we are all graduated from our degrees and that guy got a job he came back and wanted to get close to her once again. And surprisingly, she reply his message after long lost contact. She usually didn't reply. Or I can say that she never will reply. Maybe Allah opens her heart to reply his message that day. And continue to be weird thing is she started to have lots of conversation with him. She never ever get that close to a guy before. 

And now that guy ask her to be his. How sweet is it? He used to try to get close to her while we're in the college but she never give a good respond to him. And with his patience,I think he almost got her now. I wish their relationship will end with marriage cuz I see the chemistry in them since 5 years ago =D He is a good guy and deserves her. Congratulations Mr. R and take a good care of our dear N ♥

At least..

At least I'm not judging people on how they look and what they wear. I just do by experiences.

So Not.

I shouldn't be like this. He's just nobody. Not yet. Or maybe never will. Who knows? But since it is growing, the jealousy has already be there. This is so not me. Adi this isn't you. Wake up and stay still. He's not yours.  Don't take it for granted. The end will not be like what you have imagine. Just try your best to make your dreams come true. Improve yourself, pray to Him, and trust Allah. As simple as that. So stop acting like he's already yours.

Girls, Don't Move Down!

I don't know but recently I saw girls that still can't accept the facts that everything is over. They're no other than my chingus (friends). Sedih. Ada yang masih tinggal dalam memori silam. Dan ada juga yang masih cuba mengejar sesuatu yang tidak berbaloi untuk di kejar. Girls, I saw you as my sisters. I know its hard. When you're loving and hoping for someone but then he left. STOP clinging onto guys that never know how to appreciate you girls. You deserves someone better than that.

I am not good either since I never experienced having relationships for more than two years so I never know how that feeling grows. I might be have a feeling like you too if I'm in your shoes but please, jangan tunjuk sangat awak sedang kejar dia. Just let him go. He will come back someday if Allah stated that he's your mate. But before that day comes, please don't put him deep in your heart. Throw him away and let just Allah be there. Insyaallah you will feel better. Don't have hope on people, but have hope on that person's creator (Allah SWT). STOP doing things that make you think of him but do things that makes you closer to HIM. STOP sending messages to him but do send your du'a to Allah. STOP remembering him every night in your dreams, but instead, let HIM (Allah) take over him from your heart and mind. Just STOP GIRL.

You may think that everything he does is just an act, to see how strong and loyal you are. But if he really do loves you, he will NEVER hurt you. NEVER. Didn't you think that Allah wants you to let him go for a while? or maybe HE wants to tell you that he isn't for you so just let him be. Positive thinking is good but in this case, positive thinking about the bad things that he does to you and all the harsh words that he said to you isn't the right thing. Its just a sign that might not meant for you.

Before loving and hoping on others, do love yourself and Allah first. Insyaallah, the happiness will be yours. Only He knows when the time will come but trust me, Janji Allah itu PASTI =)

Dinding. Lagi.

Pastinya setiap yang berlaku punya sebab tersendiri.

Walau terkadang aku sendiri tertanya apakah yang tersirat disebalik yang terjadi itu.

Namun ku gagahkan hati, percaya dengan setiap ketentuan Dia yang satu.

Mungkin belum masanya untuk aku temui erti disebaliknya.

Kerana kadangkala setiap yang terjadi itu bukanlah untuk dimengerti.

Di saat kita merasakan chemistry itu hampir tiba,

Kejadian demi kejadian berlaku memecahkan semuanya.

Dan disini, dinding itu muncul kembali.

Kekok.

Sukar.

Perit.

Aku rindu saat itu.

Aku ingin kembali ke situ.

Seharusnya dari awal aku membina dinding itu.

Supaya aku tak merasa perasaan yang begini.

Bukan senang untuk runtuhkan dinding yang pertama dulu.

Dan pastinya lebih sukar untuk dinding yang kedua ini.

Wahai aku. Terimalah kesudahan itu. Semuanya kerana aku. 

Missing.

Smiling with no reason. Why? You didn't even do something funny but I'm smiling like crazy seeing your name appearing on the screen. See? How did you do it? Seriously.

Shouldn't.

People said, some things better left unsaid. Today I believe it. Not all things should have been said. Sometimes it will be better if you didn't know the truth. Cuz it may be a little too late. Or may be not at the right time and right place. Just please, left it unsaid. I wish I could turn back times. And I never wanted to hear that one. Never.

Ever.

Do you ever feel like you wanna give up on things? When you don't know whether you've chosen the right one. Or your choice making someone else hurting. I don't know. Just hoping that everything is alrite. And I left it all to Allah swt. Will just follow the flow. Cuz I'm sure with the things I do at the moment.

S.A.Y.A.N.G.

6 weeks are too short. As usual, separation is the thing that everyone hates. 6 weeks isn't long but we managed to be this close in this short period. No more classes. No more energizer. No more Miss A's voice and advises for us. But the memories is still there. Just why are we becoming too close now I can't forget everything. And the places that we used to go together, I can't go alone at the moment. Their voices and presence still lingers around me. Will take time for it to be back to normal again.

And why...Why did they love to sing Sayang? I used to hate that song when I first heard. But later when one of my group member sang that song almost everyday, started to like it little by little. Then other class members keep singing that song and officially I turned out to love that song. Plus, our class guitarist sang that song too during the gathering while doing Truth or Dare game. I love how they sing with live guitar. And then last week classes, all of us keep singing that song. So now when listening to Shae's Sayang, I will always remember them all. Sweetest 6 weeks with them. Friendships, Relationships and Loves.=)

020213

Words that I wanna heard the most. Have been said by him. On 2nd February 2013 about 0100. Well, I'm cool maybe because I've been prepared for this. But thanks to him for making the first move and everything. Its true that he can't read my feelings toward him since I've controlled everything and now I want you to know that, the words that have been said by you last nite, is the words that I really wanna heard the most. And it comes from you. So I'll wait for the time that we'll be Halal for each other. I trust you. And I will try to improve myself too =)

Hiding.

Its for today. Friday. My friend's group and his group will be shooting a scene in my mom's shop. And so I waited for them in front. And when he arrive, with his innocent face he ask "You wait for who?" I'm just showing an annoying face. And he laughs. Lucky I can hold it in, if not, I will say that I'm waiting for him LOL.

Then one of friend shoot for her team. That scene demands her to be with X's friend. And then that friend of mine said that she can't act if he was the one who will be the cameraman. But I think if I am the cameraman, the whole video will be shaking. Yes he's there. They don't know cuz yea, I'm good enough that I can hide it all for myself only.

Later his turn and I am standing in front of the shop to watch him. But he with his cute face demands me to be away from him or else he can't focus on his acting. LOL funny you. Then on my part he observe everything. Lucky I can focus. He comment about my voice that can't be heard as clear. And his friend also teased me like usual. They said that I just need to talk like usual. Like how I always do when they teased me.

Oh, I missed one thing. While he's shooting his part, his notebook is with me. And my friend shows an eye sign for us to see what's inside. I think he's better than me. Everything in there is about classes, well organize. Yes, teacher-to-be of course he knows and plan everything. Then my friend said to me "D, he is quite handsome. Cuz with just normal cloth, he's still looking good. And I just nodded. I can't say too much, worried that everything inside will be exploded. Then she ask me once again what do I think about him. I just don't know how to react and just smile back at her. She said that he's a good guy and looking at his notebook yes, we can see that he's organized. I just let our conversation stops there cuz I don't know how to hide it more.

Only if she knows how much I like him. But it's okay. I always pray to Allah about my to-be. So He knows what's the best for me.

One Step Closer.

And so, another day comes. Everyday, there will be something happens between us. Today, we got to be in a same group once again. This time, smaller group. And he asked to use my place for his group in our 3rd assignment. Means that, this whole week, we're together. Well, its okay for me to be happy over that small thing rite?

Ok, we're in the same group. And again he keeps teasing and asking me things. But today, its a bit professional, since his another friend also gotta be in that group. Our group's story was so fun and he becomes a girl LOL He can be an actor if he wants. He doesn't need to talk, just use his expression and body movement. Enough to make us all laughing out loud.

And then, energizer. At first I don't wanna involve but then my friend drag me in too. And so fated that he and his bestfriend stands beside us. Or to be more precise, he is standing just next to me. My heart goes dugeun-dugeun cuz he's too close to me. I intentionally goes one step backward, or else my heart will burst. He's tall enough that I 'm just at the level of his shoulders. (Perfect for me kkkk).

Later, cuz he is sitting in front of me in role play group, he's talking with my friend and he said that he wanted to go back home this evening and suddenly they're all turning to me. "D, you drive today rite?" "uh yes. Then I'm the one that should send him there?" my face might shown that I don't want to but deep inside, I'm jumping up to the sky cuz yea, more time with him XD.

After that, our last task for today we need to do one more role play. This time, he wants to be a son and I'm the daughter. He wants to discuss with me about our roles, but I can't! I can't be just with him cuz I'll be damn nervous if its only the two of us! And so, not much discussion between us but good enough I can role play with him. Doing lots of eye contact. Priceless.

And then, while waiting for my friend before we went back. He came closer. Ask for my phone number. Girls, I don't need to explain more rite? Of course I'm happy like crazy. There's only two of us behind that wall, it's so beautiful in my view LOL. Then I ask him to drive my car since he wants me to send him to the bus station. It's not that I don't really know how to drive there but do you think I can focus in my driving is he was in there? That's the main reason why I refuse to drive on my own.

But then because there's 3 of them, another friend of us offer himself to drive. Although I want him to, but its ok. Acceptable cuz X then sat beside me on the car. Again, too close. He might not feel anything but me. Since I am the smallest one among all of us there, so I need to be in the middle. His friend, one is driving and another one is sitting in front while my friend is with me and him at the back that's why. Don't ask more.

Then we arrived. And he said thanks a lot. Next time he'll ask for my help again. I wanted to tell him that if its for him, I will do anything to help but of course, I wouldn't tell him the truth. Then I ask his friend to treat me someday and they just laugh.

Later at home. I got a message. Its him! He said thanks for everything and he will treat me someday. Oh my~ We replying each other till 10pm. Long enough cuz its our 1st time texting each other. And he also ask about my lil sis that I brought that day. He ask me to bring her again cuz he like to teased her. Dear you, you will meet my sis again. Yes I assure you, again. and again. XD

Chance?

This is for yesterday's. I don't know what should I feel. Either happy, or relieved. Because that girl that he likes, already have someone. And yesterday one of my close friend ask me why did he always teased me. There's about 20 girls in there but why only me? Idk.

Then there's one task that demand us all to choose and be in group either a, b, or c. So I choose b and they also choose b. We formed a big group of B. During the discussion, none of us wanted to be the presenter. Then he looked at me, "D, you're looking good. So pretty with that blazer. You should go." It was in front of all the members but he makes it like just the two of us was there. I think I'm good enough now. I can hide all of my inner feelings and deal with it since it was in front of the class.

So did the door opened to me? But when that girl named "S" presented in front, I sneakily look at his face. But nothing much shown. Or maybe I don't know how to read a guy's face. Somewhere, deep inside, I saw some lights. And hope =)

Always.

Going out once again. Of course if it was me, then I'll always wanna be with X. But should have expected that he also will have someone that he likes. Today just hanging around the beach and have some drink. Gotta be in a photo together.

He asked me the same thing once again. Maybe have no more things to ask, but he still wanna teased me. X, you shouldn't do that. You know, I have high expectations when you always teasing me in front of our friends. And later, on lunch time he asked me where do I go. Of course I'll have expectations once again. Why do you always asking me things and teasing me? Am I easy to be bullied? He didn't do that much to others. That's why I have an expectations.

But, today we go out with his and my friends. And so, while we're all joking and teasing about one of the couple there, suddenly the name of this girl come out. And his friend said that he likes her. Of course he'll deny it but looking at his image, yes. He wants that kind of girl. I'm still too far from her. She's gentle, religious, soft-spoken etc. Should have expected. Shouldn't have too many expectations on him. So, this is why I'm not as excited as usual but yeah, if she's the one that he likes, then I won't do anything anymore. Cuz she's perfect for him.

^_______^

Believe it or not. Feels like living in a dream ugh. We're having meals together and he sat beside me. He pick everything for me, and we share the same bowl. Just two of us. I can't ask for more. Its good enough for me, as a very gorgeous sweet memory. [Never share food in a same plate with any guy before and yes, I deserve to be happy by myself LOL]. And get to know each other better. He said he would like come again with us. I will always wait for that 'again' with him =)

New Path. New Journey.

I've been free all of these time. But I never want to be in any relationship cuz only me know how it will end. But being in this new environment, meeting new peoples, it changed me little by little. Its great to be in new environment with people that have lots of similarities with us. 1st week, we already becoming close with all of our group members. And second week, of course its become even better, being close enough with all the class member till we can just say anything about our secrets and hanging out together.

But, because of this one guy called as X, everything becomes upside down. I guess experiences really has an impact on me, yea I don't easily showed that up but deep inside me, I know everything. The fact that X is always choosing a seat that can be seen by me and our gaze always meeting each other, yes, something is growing inside me also. He has this aura when I look into his eyes. It crashes all the ice inside me. I'll say it precisely, yes, I'm melting. Once again.

He shouldn't have shown his interest in me. I don't know maybe once again this a one-sided feelings but its too late for me to deny, its already growing like crazy when he shows all the interest when we interact.

To tell the truth, having this feelings again after more than years, (biases excluded XP) its actually something good. Blooming like sakura. And once again, because we're being too close, all the classmates and group members, out of nowhere, I can sense that one of my close friend there too have something growing inside her. And then this morning X said something like "If me and my bestfriend like the same person, then I'll give her to him." Upps! Lets stop here. If continue then I'll kantoi. kkkkkk. To be continued.