Girls, Don't Move Down!

I don't know but recently I saw girls that still can't accept the facts that everything is over. They're no other than my chingus (friends). Sedih. Ada yang masih tinggal dalam memori silam. Dan ada juga yang masih cuba mengejar sesuatu yang tidak berbaloi untuk di kejar. Girls, I saw you as my sisters. I know its hard. When you're loving and hoping for someone but then he left. STOP clinging onto guys that never know how to appreciate you girls. You deserves someone better than that.

I am not good either since I never experienced having relationships for more than two years so I never know how that feeling grows. I might be have a feeling like you too if I'm in your shoes but please, jangan tunjuk sangat awak sedang kejar dia. Just let him go. He will come back someday if Allah stated that he's your mate. But before that day comes, please don't put him deep in your heart. Throw him away and let just Allah be there. Insyaallah you will feel better. Don't have hope on people, but have hope on that person's creator (Allah SWT). STOP doing things that make you think of him but do things that makes you closer to HIM. STOP sending messages to him but do send your du'a to Allah. STOP remembering him every night in your dreams, but instead, let HIM (Allah) take over him from your heart and mind. Just STOP GIRL.

You may think that everything he does is just an act, to see how strong and loyal you are. But if he really do loves you, he will NEVER hurt you. NEVER. Didn't you think that Allah wants you to let him go for a while? or maybe HE wants to tell you that he isn't for you so just let him be. Positive thinking is good but in this case, positive thinking about the bad things that he does to you and all the harsh words that he said to you isn't the right thing. Its just a sign that might not meant for you.

Before loving and hoping on others, do love yourself and Allah first. Insyaallah, the happiness will be yours. Only He knows when the time will come but trust me, Janji Allah itu PASTI =)

Shouldn't.

People said, some things better left unsaid. Today I believe it. Not all things should have been said. Sometimes it will be better if you didn't know the truth. Cuz it may be a little too late. Or may be not at the right time and right place. Just please, left it unsaid. I wish I could turn back times. And I never wanted to hear that one. Never.

Ever.

Do you ever feel like you wanna give up on things? When you don't know whether you've chosen the right one. Or your choice making someone else hurting. I don't know. Just hoping that everything is alrite. And I left it all to Allah swt. Will just follow the flow. Cuz I'm sure with the things I do at the moment.

S.A.Y.A.N.G.

6 weeks are too short. As usual, separation is the thing that everyone hates. 6 weeks isn't long but we managed to be this close in this short period. No more classes. No more energizer. No more Miss A's voice and advises for us. But the memories is still there. Just why are we becoming too close now I can't forget everything. And the places that we used to go together, I can't go alone at the moment. Their voices and presence still lingers around me. Will take time for it to be back to normal again.

And why...Why did they love to sing Sayang? I used to hate that song when I first heard. But later when one of my group member sang that song almost everyday, started to like it little by little. Then other class members keep singing that song and officially I turned out to love that song. Plus, our class guitarist sang that song too during the gathering while doing Truth or Dare game. I love how they sing with live guitar. And then last week classes, all of us keep singing that song. So now when listening to Shae's Sayang, I will always remember them all. Sweetest 6 weeks with them. Friendships, Relationships and Loves.=)

020213

Words that I wanna heard the most. Have been said by him. On 2nd February 2013 about 0100. Well, I'm cool maybe because I've been prepared for this. But thanks to him for making the first move and everything. Its true that he can't read my feelings toward him since I've controlled everything and now I want you to know that, the words that have been said by you last nite, is the words that I really wanna heard the most. And it comes from you. So I'll wait for the time that we'll be Halal for each other. I trust you. And I will try to improve myself too =)

Hiding.

Its for today. Friday. My friend's group and his group will be shooting a scene in my mom's shop. And so I waited for them in front. And when he arrive, with his innocent face he ask "You wait for who?" I'm just showing an annoying face. And he laughs. Lucky I can hold it in, if not, I will say that I'm waiting for him LOL.

Then one of friend shoot for her team. That scene demands her to be with X's friend. And then that friend of mine said that she can't act if he was the one who will be the cameraman. But I think if I am the cameraman, the whole video will be shaking. Yes he's there. They don't know cuz yea, I'm good enough that I can hide it all for myself only.

Later his turn and I am standing in front of the shop to watch him. But he with his cute face demands me to be away from him or else he can't focus on his acting. LOL funny you. Then on my part he observe everything. Lucky I can focus. He comment about my voice that can't be heard as clear. And his friend also teased me like usual. They said that I just need to talk like usual. Like how I always do when they teased me.

Oh, I missed one thing. While he's shooting his part, his notebook is with me. And my friend shows an eye sign for us to see what's inside. I think he's better than me. Everything in there is about classes, well organize. Yes, teacher-to-be of course he knows and plan everything. Then my friend said to me "D, he is quite handsome. Cuz with just normal cloth, he's still looking good. And I just nodded. I can't say too much, worried that everything inside will be exploded. Then she ask me once again what do I think about him. I just don't know how to react and just smile back at her. She said that he's a good guy and looking at his notebook yes, we can see that he's organized. I just let our conversation stops there cuz I don't know how to hide it more.

Only if she knows how much I like him. But it's okay. I always pray to Allah about my to-be. So He knows what's the best for me.

One Step Closer.

And so, another day comes. Everyday, there will be something happens between us. Today, we got to be in a same group once again. This time, smaller group. And he asked to use my place for his group in our 3rd assignment. Means that, this whole week, we're together. Well, its okay for me to be happy over that small thing rite?

Ok, we're in the same group. And again he keeps teasing and asking me things. But today, its a bit professional, since his another friend also gotta be in that group. Our group's story was so fun and he becomes a girl LOL He can be an actor if he wants. He doesn't need to talk, just use his expression and body movement. Enough to make us all laughing out loud.

And then, energizer. At first I don't wanna involve but then my friend drag me in too. And so fated that he and his bestfriend stands beside us. Or to be more precise, he is standing just next to me. My heart goes dugeun-dugeun cuz he's too close to me. I intentionally goes one step backward, or else my heart will burst. He's tall enough that I 'm just at the level of his shoulders. (Perfect for me kkkk).

Later, cuz he is sitting in front of me in role play group, he's talking with my friend and he said that he wanted to go back home this evening and suddenly they're all turning to me. "D, you drive today rite?" "uh yes. Then I'm the one that should send him there?" my face might shown that I don't want to but deep inside, I'm jumping up to the sky cuz yea, more time with him XD.

After that, our last task for today we need to do one more role play. This time, he wants to be a son and I'm the daughter. He wants to discuss with me about our roles, but I can't! I can't be just with him cuz I'll be damn nervous if its only the two of us! And so, not much discussion between us but good enough I can role play with him. Doing lots of eye contact. Priceless.

And then, while waiting for my friend before we went back. He came closer. Ask for my phone number. Girls, I don't need to explain more rite? Of course I'm happy like crazy. There's only two of us behind that wall, it's so beautiful in my view LOL. Then I ask him to drive my car since he wants me to send him to the bus station. It's not that I don't really know how to drive there but do you think I can focus in my driving is he was in there? That's the main reason why I refuse to drive on my own.

But then because there's 3 of them, another friend of us offer himself to drive. Although I want him to, but its ok. Acceptable cuz X then sat beside me on the car. Again, too close. He might not feel anything but me. Since I am the smallest one among all of us there, so I need to be in the middle. His friend, one is driving and another one is sitting in front while my friend is with me and him at the back that's why. Don't ask more.

Then we arrived. And he said thanks a lot. Next time he'll ask for my help again. I wanted to tell him that if its for him, I will do anything to help but of course, I wouldn't tell him the truth. Then I ask his friend to treat me someday and they just laugh.

Later at home. I got a message. Its him! He said thanks for everything and he will treat me someday. Oh my~ We replying each other till 10pm. Long enough cuz its our 1st time texting each other. And he also ask about my lil sis that I brought that day. He ask me to bring her again cuz he like to teased her. Dear you, you will meet my sis again. Yes I assure you, again. and again. XD

Chance?

This is for yesterday's. I don't know what should I feel. Either happy, or relieved. Because that girl that he likes, already have someone. And yesterday one of my close friend ask me why did he always teased me. There's about 20 girls in there but why only me? Idk.

Then there's one task that demand us all to choose and be in group either a, b, or c. So I choose b and they also choose b. We formed a big group of B. During the discussion, none of us wanted to be the presenter. Then he looked at me, "D, you're looking good. So pretty with that blazer. You should go." It was in front of all the members but he makes it like just the two of us was there. I think I'm good enough now. I can hide all of my inner feelings and deal with it since it was in front of the class.

So did the door opened to me? But when that girl named "S" presented in front, I sneakily look at his face. But nothing much shown. Or maybe I don't know how to read a guy's face. Somewhere, deep inside, I saw some lights. And hope =)

Always.

Going out once again. Of course if it was me, then I'll always wanna be with X. But should have expected that he also will have someone that he likes. Today just hanging around the beach and have some drink. Gotta be in a photo together.

He asked me the same thing once again. Maybe have no more things to ask, but he still wanna teased me. X, you shouldn't do that. You know, I have high expectations when you always teasing me in front of our friends. And later, on lunch time he asked me where do I go. Of course I'll have expectations once again. Why do you always asking me things and teasing me? Am I easy to be bullied? He didn't do that much to others. That's why I have an expectations.

But, today we go out with his and my friends. And so, while we're all joking and teasing about one of the couple there, suddenly the name of this girl come out. And his friend said that he likes her. Of course he'll deny it but looking at his image, yes. He wants that kind of girl. I'm still too far from her. She's gentle, religious, soft-spoken etc. Should have expected. Shouldn't have too many expectations on him. So, this is why I'm not as excited as usual but yeah, if she's the one that he likes, then I won't do anything anymore. Cuz she's perfect for him.

New Path. New Journey.

I've been free all of these time. But I never want to be in any relationship cuz only me know how it will end. But being in this new environment, meeting new peoples, it changed me little by little. Its great to be in new environment with people that have lots of similarities with us. 1st week, we already becoming close with all of our group members. And second week, of course its become even better, being close enough with all the class member till we can just say anything about our secrets and hanging out together.

But, because of this one guy called as X, everything becomes upside down. I guess experiences really has an impact on me, yea I don't easily showed that up but deep inside me, I know everything. The fact that X is always choosing a seat that can be seen by me and our gaze always meeting each other, yes, something is growing inside me also. He has this aura when I look into his eyes. It crashes all the ice inside me. I'll say it precisely, yes, I'm melting. Once again.

He shouldn't have shown his interest in me. I don't know maybe once again this a one-sided feelings but its too late for me to deny, its already growing like crazy when he shows all the interest when we interact.

To tell the truth, having this feelings again after more than years, (biases excluded XP) its actually something good. Blooming like sakura. And once again, because we're being too close, all the classmates and group members, out of nowhere, I can sense that one of my close friend there too have something growing inside her. And then this morning X said something like "If me and my bestfriend like the same person, then I'll give her to him." Upps! Lets stop here. If continue then I'll kantoi. kkkkkk. To be continued.

Kau apa tahu?

Kau apa tahu?

Bila aku punya tanggunggjawab lain.

Bila aku perlu fikir masa depan mereka dibawah aku.

Kau apa tahu?

Bila perbelanjaan aku sengaja ditahankan.

Bila aku simpan semua untuk mereka dibawah aku.

Kau apa tahu?

Bila aku perlu susun penggunaan masa yang singkat.

Bila aku terlalu banyak gunakan untuk fikir bagaimana keadaan mereka yang dibawah aku.

Kau memang takkan tahu.

Sebab kau maseh muda.

Sebab kau maseh rasa diri kau punya segala.

Tak payah kau susah2 fikir masa depan.

Dan kau memang tak tahu.

Sebab kau tak pernah berfikir macam aku.

Aku bukan matang,

aku cuma menggunakan akal sesuai dengan usia aku.

Aku bukan sempurna,

tapi aku memang selalu berusaha untuk masa depan orang-orang yang aku sayang.

Dan aku harap suatu hari nanti kau juga akan tahu.

Kerna kau juga seperti aku.

Kau juga punya mereka yang dibawah kau.

Orang tua kau tak kan selamanya punya tenaga sekuat kini.

Oleh itu, buangkan segala kehendak, penuhkan dengan mereka yang dibawah engkau.

-aDi-
-AA-

6 Weeks Only!

13th November, leaving Kelantan for Shah Alam. Dengan niat menuntut ilmu kerana Allah, berharap dpt menunaikan impian umi dan abah utk melihat sy memegang ijazah sarjana muda. Sabarlah hati, 6 minggu saja lagi. Berkorban sekarang pon utk family jugak nanti. Jauh tertanam dlm dasar hati, sy nk success, nk support adek2, pasni umi ngan abah xyah susah2 keje dah. Biar sy ngan Afiq pulak berusaha carik duet. Yosh!(dengan tiba2 homesick kali ni xsekuat seperti selalu. Semangat utk menghabiskan final semester kot. InsyaAllah, dengan doa umi dan abah berserta izin Allah 6 minggu ni takkan lame.)

Tapi bila sampai kt Shah Alam, ouhhhhhhh~ Sayangnye nak tinggalkan kawan2! Lagi 6 minggu? For real? 6 Weeks ONLY? Macam pendek sgt je. Sempat ke nak kumpul memori byk2 lagi ngan dorg? Like seriously, I'll use the time wisely, I wouldn't let it go even just a second for all of my friends here. Plus dengan FYP(Final Year Project) lagi. Aduuuuuhhhhhhh! Pendeknye 6 minggu itu! Lepas tu akan ade final exam, lepas tu Presentation utk FYP. Lepas 2 berakhirlah tugasku sebagai pelajar Ijazah Sarjana Muda Sains (K) Fizik (Insyaallah). 

Dan utk sisa2 waktu yang tinggal ini, amatlah sy berharap agar sy dpt mengorbankan Kpop dan hiburan2 laen seketika, supaya sy dpt menggunakan masa yg pendek ini sebaeknya. Dapat grad dengan sempurna. Semoga Allah memberkati segala pekerjaan yang kami semua lakukan, insyaallah. Amin.

This 6 weeks sounds so very short. 

11-11-11

Tajuk nk gempak je annnn. Tapi xde kene mengena pon. Just me, maseh terasa kosong. (tetiba teringat lagu Najwa Latiff. Nyanyi skaliiii!keke) Oh, back to serious mood. Kosong, sy rasa ni balasan sebab sy jd heart breaker. Weird(fuhh..speaking dowh!) sebab tetiba je rasa sayang tu hilang. Ye, maybe Allah nk tunjuk kalo kita memilih ikot nafsu, bukan sebab agama, bukan berasaskan istikharah. Sampai suatu tahap rasa sayang yg sgt kuat di awal nya makin hilang dan pudar. Well, actually dah lame perasan. Sebab tu I tend to stop coupling for a while lepas clash. Tapi yela, darah mude kannn. Dah kenapa aku duk cerita pasal benda ni pulak nih? Sebab macam yg aku tekankan awal2 tu - K.O.S.O.N.G - *jum2 nyanyi lagu Najwa Latiff.. Addicted sudah..lol*

Oh Tuhan nak bagi sy rasa ape yg beliau tersebot rase kot. Saya takde terkilan atau menyesal pon, tapi kenapa macam ade rase tidak senang hati? Kenapa asek terfikir ape yang die rase? Kenapa nak buat semua kerja pon mcm xsenang? Ugh! Seriously sy punye hati macam ade simpulan2. Tak tahu mcm mane nk uraikan. Huk3. Ade sape2 yang reti bagi solution tak? Tiap kali nak buat kerja, even dalam kelas pon xdpt nk focus fully. Aduhh. Penyakit apakah ini? Sebab tu saya perlukan ade orang sentiasa di sekeliling saya. Saya tak boleh alone, nanti penyakit susah hati or serabut perut ni dtg balek. Well, memang la rase bersalah sebab dah jd heratbreaker kan. Tp rasenye daripada sy biarkan die bertepuk sebelah tgn, baek sy mintak pelepasan kan. Taknak la sy still sebab kesian je. Tak adil untok die bila hati sy bukan utk die sepenuhnya. 

Dan sy sentiasa mendoakan yg terbaek utk die. Walaupon sy tawu mungkin dah xde name sy dlm doa die. Takpe, mmg salah sy sebab kecewakan die. Sy tak salahkan die pon. Cuma harap die dpt lupakan sy sepenuhnya, jalani hidup die mcm biase dan semoga beliau menjumpai orang yg sememangnya tercipta utknya. Okay, dah. Semoga dgn lepasan 'gelas' yg satu ini akan mengurangkan beban di hati yg berselirat ni. Sy serahkan segala pada Allah. 

Btw, ni lah sy nk share video lagu Kosong original by Najwa Latiff yg sy dok sebot2 part awal2 2. 

shukeshangatlaguneh..uhuk3~